When people don’t come through for you

Life is a complicated matter. Of course you all already know that. I was thinking today, we’re never truly satisfied, are we? There is a specific reason that I say this. I’ve asked friends, families, acquaintances and the likes for favors, favors which I thought were simple but which apparently were not.

Once in a while, I ask people for favors. Some people express regret and they apologize, and then say they can’t do it. Their reasons might be valid, but I can’t help feeling a little upset about it because, when have I ever said “I can’t do it” to anyone? If I have, it might’ve escaped me. I can’t recall. But at least they tell you upfront.

Then there are those who always say “yes, I can help” and make everything sound easy, even when you know they already have a lot on their plate. But they convince you, it will be done, so you trust and go ahead. Then, time passes and neither the favor nor the person you ever again hear of. That’s even more upsetting.

Por la plata baila el mono, as the old Spanish saying goes. It means, money talks. Bet if I offered “incentives” to any of these two types, a well-done favor would’ve been done in return. It’s called life.

Some things can never be the same

People change.
The world goes around.
Some things can never be the same again,
and though the past is the past,
some past memories can never be forgotten.

Do I put it behind me and start anew?
Or do I keep it alive to remind me that it harms
and that it’ll break my heart, all over again.

Marcia Capellán

What I wore under my graduation gown

All these photos of people graduating floating around on blogs and Facebook pages — natural this time of the year — brought up memories of my own graduations. I’ve only worn a graduation gown twice in my life.  The first time: high school. I always laugh when I look at pictures of me holding my gown (no, not the graduation gown, but the one I wore under it) so that I wouldn’t trip over and break my neck at my Y2K graduation. I don’t have a picture at hand, but it looked something like this:

 

What was I thinking?

For my June high school graduation I wore a super long white dress, under my yellow graduation gown (yes, it was yellow), that touched the grass as I walked. The heels of my exotic-dancer-like shoes kept getting stuck in the muddy ground. When they called my name to receive my diploma, I felt and looked ridiculous up there! I walked so fast trying to get out of the spot light that I forgot to enjoy the moment. ha ha! It was a nightmare. Nobody warned me of this and I had never worn a cap and gown before. There was no way I could have known what to wear — I wasn’t a Googler then either. Actually, there was a way; I could’ve just tried on my graduation gown with the dress, but I didn’t.

Nine years later, there I was, facing another occasion to wear a graduation gown. But, oh no, I did not want that hot June day and the horrible choice of attire to repeat, so I strategically picked my dress this time: a short black and white, strapless dress made of thin material and super comfy shoes.

Similar to this

 

I wore it under my black gown and it was much better. It was May and way hotter than June was nine years prior. So I was glad I did. Congratulations to this year’s graduates!

Christina Aguilera: Can’t hold her down!

People’s comment about her today on The Voice’s Facebook page definitely made me react. Almost everybody was commenting on her dress…and her breasts? Really? The Voice is a singing competition!–not a fashion show. Not only that, even if people feel they have the right to judge her look, is America deaf? The woman can sing her ass off! So I don’t understand why people keep putting her down. Like someone said, I bet the commentators are just a whole bunch of soccer moms bored with their pitiful lives and can’t stand a much younger, talented, beautiful woman take over the pathetic shows they watch on NBC, whatever they are. (Team Coco!)

That reminds me, why do women love to put other women down? I recommend watching the documentary Miss Representation. Stop being so catty towards one another! If Christina prefers cleavage-showing, that’s her problem. What’s it to you? Seriously…

And yes, despite being a loyal fan since 1999, I must admit that I’m not a big fan of her wardrobe at all and, dammit, how I wish she went back to her Back to Basics stylish look, when she looked so polished and classy in those 1940′s dresses and hair. But it is not up to me, and it’s not up to you either!  If you remember Christina from her beginning years, she was a stick. People criticized her, saying she had an eating disorder and that she needed to eat. Years later Christina gains weight and she’s called “fat.” But she’s had enough. That’s another reason that I love her; she’s fed up with the media — for obvious reasons — so she really just does the opposite of what people want her to do and be. I love it!

Xtina is clearly talented — since “Genie in a Bottle,” she’s come a long way and done a whole lot more than just pop. She’s never lost herself (like other young artists of her time) but instead worked harder to be the best. She’s a strong woman (you could tell if you followed her like I have all these years), an advocate of women’s rights and — as she famously once wrote — a fighter! She’s been on the spotlight for almost 15 years for a reason. I think that’s worth of admiration.

Watch Beautiful and take a hint.

 

Lupus: Time to raise awareness

For those who didn’t make it–like my sister–this month we remember you and this month we raise awareness. We don’t have to wait until May to voice it out, but this is a moment for us to be heard just a little louder.

Don’t give up fighting for the cure. Add your voice and raise awareness.

Nocturnal bird

Why do I have to feel most poetic and like writing an entire novel at three o’clock in the morning? This was fine when I was in my early twenties and almost every job I held didn’t start until after 10:00 or 11:00AM. But when I have to be up by seven in the morning and the job requires all of my energy because otherwise the children will snooze with me? Not cool at all!

This takes me back, I have always worked best late night. Every night after my family went to bed, I pretended I went to bed, too (sometimes I really did want to go to bed), but then got up with pen and paper in hand and wrote my thoughts down. Bed time wasn’t that early either. The last time I went to sleep before 11:00PM must have been eight years ago. (That explains my dark circles.)

I do things to help my sleeplessness sometimes. For example, every once in a while I’d take one or two sleeping pills. I would prefer I did not take any at all because of fear of becoming dependent — I hate all sorts of pills, I really do! I also drink a lot of relaxing teas after dinner. But what works best is when I have a very active day; I’m usually exhausted by bedtime, so no pill is needed. However, I do not want to exhaust myself every time in order to guarantee a goodnight sleep. This is ridiculous!

Well, well…I guess I’ve chosen the wrong career; I should’ve been a stripper. Ha! Jokes aside, I wonder if it’ll only get worse as I get older. I do not, and I mean do not function (properly) before 12:00PM (or before 2pm I should say?). I’m a space cadet during earlier hours. And in a few hours, when I have to get up for work, I sure as hell will be one.

Why is it that…

Few people in your life celebrate your accomplishments, but they’re QUICK to notice and bring the attention to your failures? How sad.

Could it be jealousy? Insecurity on their part? Immaturity?

I definitely believe that honest emotional and esteem support impacts your performance — for good. Humans need an extended hand more often than not. A word of encouragement, a simple “You’ll be fine, you can do this” makes a difference. But, there are also times that, when receiving too little support, a person may want to work harder just to prove everybody wrong. That accomplishment to me has a better taste in the end. You appreciate it and treasure it more because you did it all on your own, against all odds.

For me, it’s safe to say that I’ve never had a great deal of support in my life, but the one or two people always there for me have been more than enough. I need to get motivation from somewhere after all! Sugarcoating and fake praises don’t do it for me; but having people doubt me and judge me does. I can smell a fake miles away, so if you don’t have anything honest to say I rather you say I “can’t do it” and you’ll be showing support unknowingly. It makes me feel invincible.

The funny thing is (and it is a so well-known never-ending story) when you finally reach the top, everybody wants a piece of you. But you remember, oh yes you damn well do remember, who’s always been there. And I can’t wait to taste it all.

Shoot the messenger

In this case, the media. Indeed. I just recently watched the film Miss Representation and I think everybody; young women and men, especially in America where we are all so obsessed with “beauty,” should try watching this documentary. It’s about the under-representation of women by mainstream media. It’s eye-opening, a genuine wake-up call, it’s a (not so new but revamped) women’s movement that I definitely endorse (I also talked about it here).

Watch the trailer.

Visit the Miss Representation website.

Girl Power!

I love watching the rain

Once upon a time on a quiet afternoon in a small Spanish town, it was raining and storming and I was thinking. I’ve always loved watching the rain from inside and always dreamed of having a full-glass door looking out a green courtyard or out the mountains, while the rain gently knocked on my tin roof.

Sounds like the perfect setting for snuggling and love-making. :-) And sleeping! It’s always a pleasure to watch the rain.

Well, I do have a glass door now and I’m not stuck at work; I am home. Only problem is the door doesn’t look out at a green field, but at the loud busy small city. I can hear the rain tapping on my glass windows—for now I’m satisfied with that. Meanwhile, I’ll impatiently wait for that passionate encounter under the rain…